i can't sleep + unsecured

1st:: after all these happened +been a stalker; i always had this bad dream. and i can't sleep well after all. always thinking about what is actually happened behind me. But it's all without my control.

2nd:: don't know why how i can i trust all these people but it's also without my control

3rd:: maybe i should back off. it's the time i should only think about how to love myself. but i don't know how to control.

4th:: if these happened to them, how's their feelings? but i don't know how they control themselves.

5th:: every night. feels regret and disappointed at all. maybe pissed off or maybe they give me shit. but i should pretend nothing! people won't admit their mistake; won't say about what is their true feelings. will blamed me back soon. wtf.

6th:: everything is done. express my feeling so i can fully out from this. this world is belongs to you. and i really can't accept things like this. hope, i'm not being stabbed in the back.

7th:: I try to accomplish a means to an end. When i cried, callously brushes it aside and yet expects sympathize. if i call them, they won't answer, yet they expect me to pick up the phone on the first ring. Where are they when you need help, they are doing their own thing...

8th:: When will it end? Hands stretched out expecting, always with a friendly, cajoling smile on, yet...

9th:: But reality has set in. The facade they erected, the smiling eyes, the caring words, is just a farce. always been there for them, but where were they in your darkest hour. Scarce a trace. The little sacrifices, the words of encouragement you give, are overlooked, when it’s all about them.

10th:: But now i faced with an insurmountable task of living.